Sand in my shoes
by xredSunburstx
Summary: Sometimes you need a break from everything and you go to another place where you hope to find yourself again. But suddenly you also find something else. You find Love. Callie/Arizona/Roma.
1. Prologue

**Sand in my shoes**

**Author's note**: Hey my lovely readers! I know I'm better known as the drama queen, but I thought that maybe there should be a nice and lovely and fluff/romantic story out there written by xredSunburstx… so here we go =)

Like some of you know, I spent my holiday in Italy, exploring a whole new world and who has been to Italy knows that. I haven't been long, but I think I can tell a few things and when I flew back to Germany I listened to this song from "Dido – Sand in my shoes" and I thought: Hey… what would be more perfect than Callie/Arizona and Italy? I don't know where exactly this fic is going, but if I have you with me, there's nothing else to care about.

I know I have a few other stories not finished yet like 'You're the one I'm dreaming of', but I need some time apart from that. I find out that it was hard for me to write right now and I'll hope this story will help me to get this ability back.

I don't forget my other work, but I hope this will put a smile on your face, makes you thoughtful or maybe even falling in love with Rome like I did. But most of all I just hope you enjoy reading it.

You know I love your comments and I look to them forward like you to next Chapters :)

Have fun with this and of course…

All my best wishes for you :)

Sun

**Prologue**

I was 18 years old when my feet first guided me to Italy. But I was young and I didn't know what to expect there.

I never thought about visiting Italy, spending my vacation in a different country when I had my friends all over my place.

Maybe I felt like that because my family moved so often, I had seen so many places already, and America is such a large country with beautiful sights and areas I never had itchy feet, until my brother sang a far away blues and I could never forget it. His girlfriend Emilia had her grandparents in Italy and asked my brother to come with her, visiting her family and one of the most beautiful cities in the world, Rome.

He sang this blues so loudly and often that I couldn't resist, and one month later I sat in a 10 hour long flight to the Eternal City.

Once we landed there I felt this strange ache in my heart, telling me that I was where I wanted to be.

I found a place where I felt this remarkable felicitousness.

It was so strange for me, because I couldn't name it back then, but remembering it now, I know it was a simple feeling, it was ecstasy.

This ecstasy is for example described in the life of Ferdinand Gregorovius, an 1821 in East Prussian born historian, who came to Roma in the age of 30 to live there over 20 years, writing books about the city. Rome was for Gregorovius a never ending study.

And there was of course the amazing Goethe who came to Rome and left his heart there.

And now, 16 years later, it was my heart, guiding me to Italy, again.

If you enter the Eternal City you realize what a blue sky means. I have never seen such a blue sky, no single cloud gracing the sky.

When I looked up everything was pure and the sun was never thwarted. Everywhere I looked was the blue blue sky and green trees, bushes or flowers. Wherever I looked, if it was the sideway, the mountains and hills or simple houses… wherever you went in Rome, the nature is always a part of your way. It feels like you are stuck in a fairytale.

I found myself captured by the beauty of the city, by the warmth of the sun and the warmth of the people. I was in a state, a state I couldn't free myself out.

It was magical, how I walked through the streets with my mouth gaped open and my eyes open wide, walking around like I was born again, like I have never seen streets, houses, people or trees before. Like I've never seen the sky or never tasted food. I guess when you come here, everything is different.

With entering the Eternal City there's an before and afterwards, a time of preparation and expectation. The pictures, the fantasies and dreams, finally became real, they suddenly enliven. With this in mind Rome was the scenery of a second birth, it is your personal renaissance, a new life.

And that was what I needed the most when I left my home again, but this time I did it out of different reasons. Reasons I didn't want to think about, but I could also never forget no matter how hard I tried.

All I wanted to think about was the beauty that was still the same after all those years.

I was walking through the streets of Rome without knowing where I wanted to go. All I needed was distraction; all I needed was some time to find my love in life again.

But nothing helped me, so I stayed at home, sleeping through the days without wanting to stand up. I'd only spent 4 months here and already 1 weeks was gone in which I fathomed the walls of this room, where I got lost in my sorrow and my reeling thoughts, instead of fighting to go on, instead of living and living the memory of long lost years, I hid myself so desperately that it didn't even matter if I was in Rome or back in Chicago… My thoughts and my pain were all the same.

I am so lost in my thoughts right now I don't even get it when the door opens and she steps in, closing the door behind herself before saying my name.

"Arizona…" She walks around in the room, opening the shutters and lightning a few candles before she takes the finally steps to the bed I'm laying on for days now, almost not moving a bit. She sits down stroking my hair gently as I sigh, closing my eyes as tears are forming in my eyes.

"We are going to eat in a few minutes, Ari… don't you want to come?" She asked softly, still stroking my hair. It was a comfort I desperately needed. But I didn't answer I simply shook my head.

"When did you eat the last time?"

I opened my eyes, looking into her green ones, recognizing her furiously curled blond brown hair and her light brown skin, as I tried to speak up.

"I don't remember." My mouth was dry and so it was hard to even say those 3 words.

And what was worse… I really didn't remember anymore.

She nods understanding before she sighs.

"You need to stand up someday, you know that don't you?"

This time I look away from her, my glance fixated on the opposite wall.

I know that I have to stand up, pretty soon.

I know that I came here to find my strength and power again.

I know that I came here to forget, or at least to be able to live with and in the memory without feeling pain.

I came to Rome and to her to feel alive again.

But instead I feel like I'm already dead, in and outside. I know I should, but I can't.

The first day was so easy, I was filled with hope. I really thought Rome would give birth to me and give me a new life.

But how could I expect that a city would heal me?

"Arizona… please… talk to me…" She says after we sat in silence for minutes, but what should I say what she doesn't know? And so I lay there, no word leaving my mouth.

"God, Ari… I know… I know you decided to come here after he… after he…"

The whole time she seemed like his death wasn't affecting her in any way, but now, when she wasn't able to even say what was obvious, I realized it was hard for her, too, and so I took her hand in mine.

"After… Danny died… you called me… you called me and told me you needed to get out of Chicago, far away from everything, far away from your life. And I… I offered you my place to stay, because I thought it might help you. I thought that it would be easier to distract your mind with Francy, Ella and myself around you. I offered you my help, because you needed me and because I loved Danny once and a part of me still loves him and I… I wish I could have prevented what happened. I wish I could have told him not to leave and instead come with me to start a life in Italy… but we both had our dreams and we clung to that… I couldn't take away his and I also couldn't give up mine, knowing he might never come back. And I feel so… guilty... like I could have done more…" Single tears are leaving her eyes and now I free myself of my state, because I can't watch her crying, because of something she could have never prevented.

"Don't… don't punish yourself…" I say in a whisper, but with strength and force so words would reach her ears.

"Why then, Arizona, you punish yourself for what happened? Why then you lay down in this…" She looks around, laughing dryly, but the tears are also clearly presented through her voice. "… ugly room, when Rome, the capital city of the whole world, lays in front of you? You said you needed distraction, you said you needed to get out… You said you wanted, after everything that happened, to finally taste life again… and now you have the chance to, but you won't leave this bed…"

"I can't… Emilia… I can't and you know that." I whisper and sigh desperately. How can I enjoy my life and start to live again when I see his face in front of me every second I breathe?

"You can, Ari… and you know that Danny would want you to go on. Deep down in your heart you know it."

Her hand finds its way to my cheek, stroking it softly and drying my tears before she kisses the place where her hand has been a second before.

It's something she has always done since the first day I met her; it was her way to greet and now it is her way to comfort me and I take it willingly. She has always been a great friend to me; when she still lived in America and she almost lived with us, being one with my brother, when they split up and she moved to her family, and now when I hope to find my place of peace and freedom in this household, in this place with her near me, she seems to be my sanity again. My friend, my sister.

"I… I'm fine…" I whisper out in a hush and close my eyes for the last tears to leave them.

"Ja, Süße, someday you will be…" She stroke me cheek firmly. "But now you have to stand up. You don't want to miss dinner."

I looked away again, my eyes still closed. The only sound in the room was my stomach growling. "What you're having for dinner?" I mumble and she starts to giggle sweetly.

"Ella cooked tonight… we are having Porchetta – pigling with roman sauce." She said smiling my way one last time before she steps out and leaves me alone with my own devils, my own ghosts.

I lay there for another 5 minutes before I'm able to even stand up, move my feet for the first time in what felt like ages.

And then I stumble, because my feet tingle after all the hours spending in my bed. I always hated that feeling, but now it makes me feel alive. I know I'm still there, I'm alive and I can feel something else than the sorrow I was filled with the last weeks. I feel my own body again. I stumble to the window sill and I open the shutters to let the sunshine finally sneak in.

I stood there and for the first time I spent in Rome I looked over the Tiber – which is floating broadly based and glimmering yellow-green in the sunlight, embed in real river countryside with wild proliferating trees and reed on the shore, where you can find people sitting there at night, drinking and laughing and singing.

I looked over Rome and I inhaled deeply and finally I felt like I could be saved right here.

I inhaled and I tasted Rome on my lips and on my tongue and it felt like someday, very soon I'd be saved. I just needed to give life a chance, because once I was a girl with sunshine in my eyes and a wide smile gracing my face. I was happy, filled with perkiness and love and with life… and Danny would want me to go on for sure.

Because of that I came here, because I wanted to know how it feels to feel alive again; not to forget what has happened, but to accept it and start to enjoy myself again.

I was like a frame, standing in a dark room, hit by the light, a light which hits this lonely and trim figure like a revelation or an annunciation.

And this figure stood there still, only dipping the head outside as it wanted to taste the pulsating life outside, replying to the light.

And this figure was me, hearing his soft whisper as I closed my eyes, simply breathing.

"Go outside. Leave this room, Ari. Live."

With that I pushed myself away from the window and followed the delicious smell coming from the dining room.

And when I stepped outside I was greeted with laughter, with three amazing women grinning and talking.

It's when I hear their voices calling out my name, that's when I realize that the time of grieving is over, because after weeks hiding myself, it's eventually time to go on. I will never forget him, but I will learn to live with his memory.

And when I look at Francy, Ella and Emilia in front of me I smile, revealing my dimples for the first time in ages.

"Hey sleepy head." Ella, the red haired beauty says with a smile plastered on her face.

"Welcome to Rome, babe." Francy smiles my way, tapping on the stool besides and when I sit down, looking around, seeing the food and the people I am blessed to live with the next 4 months until I have to go back again, I feel like I finally arrived in the Eternal City.

**Author's Note: **So… this was the first Chapter of my new fanfiction. I know it was short and a little bit sad, but it described the sorrow and also a new beginning, the need to go on like everyone of us know it… after someone we loved died or after a long time of desperation and after depression we have to go on someday... So I thought even if it is a little bit sad, the feeling needed to be described.

Though I hope you liked it and I look forward to your comments. :)


	2. Quant'e bella l'Italia

**Author's Note: **Thank you very much for your reviews :) I know the start was a little bit low, but I always need a starting Chapter in which the common situation is explained. And the next Chapter… I know… a lot of "room and place – displaying" follows, but I needed to tell you exactly how this shop looks like, because… it really exists =) The people working there inspired me to write about the three girls living at a place together and working together… and this place… I don't know the street where it is, but you can't miss it. Walking down the street past Fontana di Trevi and another Basilica you'll find it on the right side. It's a stupid plead I know… but… go there and get caught like I did… (And by the way, the liquor tastes FANTATSICA!)

So enough babbling about shops in Italy and now rather starting or what?

I hope you will like what you read and I look forward to your opinion =)

All my best wishes for you

-Sun

**Chapter 1**** – Quant'e bella l'Italia**

Once you go to Rome you'll soon realize there are a lot of shops, most of all there are souvenir shops. Gosh, people make a lot of money with that and you forget them really fast.

Everywhere you find greeting cards, Rome caps, Rome Shirts, small miniatures of real monuments in Italy… simple souvenirs for your friends or your family to bring along or at least something for yourself so you have something to remember when you have to leave the city of all the cities again.

Sometimes, when I remember my youth in America, I, most of all remember the music shops, the book shops and the big shopping malls where you could go with your friends or meet them there to spend half of your day in those shops.

When I first got to Roma I was young, I loved shopping and I searched for those shops, those cheap shops where sometimes personality got lost, just shopping and marketing counted.

I was a part of consumption, of big shops where you go to get what you want, that's all… you are not marvelling.

It has to sound funny if I tell you that marvelling is a part of 'shopping' or at least 'buying' important things for your household in Roma. But it is.

Or are you astonished whenever you go to a supermarket, because you need something to eat? I don't think so. Most of all you do it because you need to state your hungriness.

Just come to Rome and walk into one of those small shops where you can buy noodles, spices, wine, liquor or even water.

You can't stop marvelling, because of the beauty, of the intimacy and personality in this shops where every little detail is wanted and loved.

When I decided to stand up and savour every single minute in Rome from now on, like I planned it when I booked my flight and pleaded Emilia to find a place for me to stay, she suggested that I should come and work in her shop, in the shop those three incredible women built out of their hands, to feel and sense Italy how it is and how it's people are.

And I was able to sense and feel it and savour it like I wasn't an American Woman who got lost in her love for Italy and her grieve for her brother, but a woman who fights hard to win the struggle and who becomes a part of a big Italian Family; of this Italian feeling.

The place I should work as long as I spent here looks like a small museum from outside with 2 display case whenever you open the doors, displaying the things you can buy there like liquor, noodles and even homemade typical Italian jam.

The house colour is a faint orange, though the colour seems carried off and you are able to assume what colour it was the day it got newly painted.

It's not far away from the _Palazzo del Quirinale _and only a few steps away from the amazing _Fontana Di Trevi _what makes the location so special and so easy to find.

But the journey first begins when you step in.

The marvelling starts the moment you take a step inside.

In dark brown shelves you find everything you need for your perfect Italian food and the ceiling reminds you of old bunkers where you usually store wine.

The atmosphere of this shop is breath – taking.

You see vacationers, trying to find something for their family to bring home or old Italian woman getting spices for dinner. It's a mixture of people, of languages, of faces and most of all tastes.

This shop means, just like Rome itself means… pleasure, indulgence… it means exclaiming "It's a real treat!"

And for me this part of Rome also means enjoyment and fun.

The first time I stepped in I was not quiet sure how working in this small shop would help me to start to live and enjoy my life again.

How should it help me to taste life again?

I didn't believe in it, actually at some points, besides my positive rainbow manner, I thought that nothing would get better… I believed… I believed that I would never stop feeling like this… lost in bad thoughts, feeling guilty about his dead and for everything else on this world.

But the first time I stepped in, looking for Emilia, Francy and Ella while a song from the radio was loudly playing in the background, I found them sorting out their new assortments of goods while they were dancing, all three of them.

They danced like no one could see them; they danced as long as no one was in the shop and when no one needed their help. They danced and laughed and sung all along like life was nothing but joyful.

And when Francy recognized me watching them she waved her arms and screamed: "Come on over!" to drown out the music.

But I shook my head, knowing that I couldn't… I kept myself away from feeling joy. Guiltiness ate me alive from the inside out, without a reason… But I felt like I needed to feel pain, like I needed to feel guilty, and I couldn't tell anyone why actually.

"I'm not in the mood." I simply replied smiling half hearted, but she kept insisting and the other both were also waiting for me to join in.

"Nonsense! Whatever is wrong, babe… DANCE. IT. OUT!"

She emphasised every single word and she kept staring into my eyes, until I simply gave in and joined them jumping up and down with the beat of the music, singing as loud as I could.

And moments like that… Aren't they a yes to life?

…

After 1 week working there every day I finally had the chance to have a day free.

Working there was a real chance to meet people from all over the world and from this city. It was amazing how friendly and warm they act around you, how they let you be a short part of your life while you collect the things they need for their meals.

It was a good impression, but I also wanted to see all the sights and beauty around here. The problem was I didn't really know where I should and could go, so I just wandered around with open eyes taking in every sight and every single detail.

It was warm… no… it was hot, like almost every day in Rome around this time of the year, and my hair stuck on my forehead.

My body felt like I was burning even though I wore small shorts and a simple top so I wouldn't sweat too much… but… yeah… you could wear nothing and it still would be too much.

However… after all it was all worth it.

I stood in front of old buildings; saw the _Colosseum_, the _Forum Romano_. I recognized the tourists standing in long queues waiting to get in and be able to take pictures of everything they would see.

Once when I was young I did the same thing.

My Camera was with me wherever I went and after I came home I had more pictures than I could count, but now… it was all about seeing and feeling, instead of seeing the beauty through some glasses.

I had seen beautiful things in my life. I have been to so many places and every trip I enjoyed. But this was different.

It was like Rome created beauty and told the whole world afterwards that beauty exists and what the definition of it is.

As I stood in front of the high looming Colosseum, in front of the symbol of the antique cosmopolitan city, it sputtered out of my mouth so spontaneously, it came over as a sudden feeling or revelation… I simply said to the old grey head man, who stood by my side.

"_Quant'e bella l'Italia."_ – How beautiful Italy truly is.

I don't speak Italian, but it was a sentences Emilia's grandma thought me when I first came to Italy.

But more than that was hard for me to understand, so I didn't get one of the word he was saying when he suddenly opened his mouth and scowled furiously about, I guess what I just said.

What started with _"Cosa? Ma stai dando i numeri?"_ ended in a tangle of words I could not understand. He was almost screaming, furious gesturing, 'back grounding' what he said, and his head was as red as those overripe watermelons.

I was so terrified, but too polite to actually leave.

I was taught to be a good man in the storm, but I was also taught to respect other people and most of all grown up.

"I'm sorry… I… I mean… Scu…" I tried, clearing my throat. "Scussa… Scussa, Mister… Sir…"

But he wasn't listening at all…

So I stood there and waited, like a good man, a good… anxious… man, waiting for the storm of his words and gestures to be over.

But his rage, his rambling didn't seem to stop and as the minutes faded he just seemed to heat up and even if I tried to calm him down with my few Italian words I couldn't do anything about it.

And then… when I thought I'd never ever see more of Roma than the Colosseum and a very Old Italian man today, I recognized another voice and a figure coming up from behind.

"Scusi, Scusi…" A sweet but also strong voice was saying and I couldn't keep myself from spinning around, asking myself who interrupted him to save me. And my saviour was… oh my god… she was beautiful… she was tall, her brown hair falling loosely over her shoulder while her eyes were captivating brown, almost as dark as her hair, and her shirt was gracing her body at the right places.

I had to force my eyes to look away from her perfect body as she smiled my way and nodded friendly, but I couldn't. I just… couldn't.

I couldn't even listen to what she said or what he answered. God, I didn't even care, as long as I could watch her mouth move and her lips moving into a big smile.

"Scusi, non l'ho fatto apposta. Si… Si… Si…" She nodded while she listened to him, politely.

"... sta di fatto, che… Si… ella… ignorare…" Then suddenly she started to laugh deeply with her heart. "…Si… insipiente…"

I looked at her with open eyes, ignoring everything around me as she opened her mouth and touched my arm slightly.

I didn't even know her. Not her name or who she was.

I've just seen her for a few seconds, but all I needed to know for now was that she's beautiful.

That she fascinated me without knowing anything about her at all.

But I guess… sometimes you meet someone and from the first moment on you feel special, you feel like your eyes are fixated and you can't seem to concentrate. You are captured in every possible way.

Haunted by her look, by her smile, by her full lips and how her voice sounds when she speaks or when she deeply laughs. You don't know a person, but you feel like you do… and most of all you'd give up everything just to get to know the other person.

And I'd do everything to get to know more about her.

And that's easier than I thought, because when she's smiling at him one last time, saying "Si…del senno di poi sono piene le fosse… Grazia… Ciao!", she's also grabbing out for my arm, dragging me away from the place I stood for almost 15 minutes, listening to his furious rambling. And girl, I can't say that I minded.

Meters away from him she suddenly stopped, starting to laugh, without saying anything. She simply looked at me, lifting her hand to signalize me that she needs a second.

"I'm sorry… I'm really sorry… but… this was hilarious…" She stated as she extended her hand. "You're not here very long, are you?"

"1 ½ weeks…"

"Well… that explains a lot…" she laughs.

"What do you mean?"

"Rule Number 1: Don't tell an Italian how beautiful Italy is. They know it. They love Italy. But… like it is in every country… they don't like their government… So no stirring of emotions if it's about Rome or Italy… at least not in front of them…" She explains, still smiling.

"I'll take a note on that. Thank you." I reply with my greatest dimple smile to impress her, but instead she's only nodding. "What's your name by the way? I'm Arizona."

"Arizona… from?"

"Arizona from California." She grinned mischievously.

"Well… we both have really creative parents… Shush… but… my name is Calliope. Great, huh?"

"It is, actually… It sounds beautiful… just like…."

"Like what?"

I thought about saying: You. But the truth isn't always a good start. At least not if you fall within seconds for an external beautiful woman.

So I simply state: "Rainbows…!" She' frowning, but she's not going into detail… fortunately.

"Well…" She said.

I felt my heart beating furiously in my chest… I felt alive as I looked at her, talking to her and I needed to hold onto that. She was a woman I didn't even know, but she was magnifying from the first moment I met her.

She smiled softly and saucy at the same time as she examined me intentionally, her eyes crawling down my body and I asked myself if I hallucinated how she looked my way.

"So… I've to go again, I'm sorry… trying to catch the Metro… just remember that and you should survive your trip here… Have a nice stay."

The beautiful woman says before she's spinning around, walking away from me.

I stand there, waiting for a miracle to happen. For her to spin around saying she would like to get to know me a little bit more.

But it needs a second until I realize that we all have our own fortune in our hands and we can also create miracles with our bare hands.

"Wait, Calliope…"

She stops in her tracks, turning around, endowing me with her biggest smile.

"Yeah?"

"Well… I'm going to be here for a quiet a long time… but… I don't know where to go, what in Rome I should absolutely see… I don't know what's worth doing in Rome and how I survive here. Rome is awesome… but I think… I could use guidance."

She smiles my way like she already knew what I would ask her and she nods.

"Come on… I will show you what it means to love Roma."


	3. Authors Alert

Hello my lovely readers,

Unfortunately I have to tell you all that this is not going to be the next Chapter of this story.

I'm rather here to tell you, that after I got into a big crisis and a beloved friend of me died, I decided that now is not the right time for me to write anything.

So I decided to take a break and let you know that I didn't forget any of my stories or that you are waiting. Though I hope you'll understand and you'll be still there when I have found my strength to continue with this part of my life, writing, and with my life at all.

Thanks for the great reviews you always gave to me. And thanks for understanding.

All the best on your way and hopefully until soon

-Sun


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